


Goblin Scout Cookies

by breejah



Series: 'Quick Fic/Photo Prompt' Labyrinth Challenges [21]
Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Cookies, Crack Fic, F/M, Photoshop Genius, girl scout cookies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-11-07 20:38:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17967650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breejah/pseuds/breejah
Summary: Girl Scout cookies, goblins and....Jason Momoa?Total crack fic one-shot taking the idea of the genius girl scout in Colorado that photoshopped Jason Moma on her cookie boxes and if the goblins got ahold of the idea.Rated T for sexual innuendo and cursing.





	1. Chapter 1

_Fic photo prompt by[Travis Jhanson](https://www.deviantart.com/travisjhanson) on DeviantArt._

* * *

 

 

“Come get ‘em!” Scug hollered, waving a box by the Goblin Castle, staring as other goblins passed them without a second glance. He slumped sadly back against the castle wall with a sigh. 

“Hey, you dummies! We got sweets!” Called his friend, Midge, at his side. Saffron didn’t even bother saying anything, merely rolling his eyes, Ambrosias at his side. It had been very kind of Sir Didymus to loan them the beast when they needed to move the boxes of Aboveground goodies. What Scug couldn’t understand is why none of the other goblins in Goblin City wanted any of the yummy items. 

“What’s their problem?” Scowled Scug, picking at his nails with a small rusty dagger. Midge shrugged, scarfing down one of the boxes. Slapping his friend, Scug glared at him when Midge looked affronted. “Wha?” His friend asked, making Scug snort. 

“You keep eating our stock, you dolt. Don’t we wanna make money?”

“Yeah.”

“SO STOP EATING THEM!” 

Midge merely stared back, stuffing another cookie in his mouth. 

“This ain’t working,” grumbled Saffron, glancing at the others. “Got any ideas?”

“I heard ‘bout this one trick that worked...Lady bought like...twenty boxes. Something ‘bout the box being sweet and sexy. I don’t know but it seemed to work for her.” Midge started, scrubbing at his chin, glancing at his friends. “Wanna give it a shot?”

“Sure, why not? What do we need to do?” Saffron asked, frowning and glancing at their pitifully high stock. 

“This!” Waving his hand, Midge summoned what little magical powers the goblins possessed and - poof! - suddenly there was an auspicious half-dressed dark male on some of the boxes. Saffron blinked, then gagged. “Ew. Why she like THAT?”

“What’s this?” Came the sudden cool voice of their monarch, making all three goblins freeze. 

“Nothin’!” Squeaked Midge, reaching for the boxes. “Just an idea.”

“Who’s this male?” Jareth asked, his eyes narrowing. Midge stared back, trembling, then finally blurting out what it was when Jareth began tapping his crop against his knee. 

“ITS A GUY LADY SARAH LIKES AND WE THOUGHT IT WOULD SELL COOKIES. SEEMED TO WORK WITH LADY SO—“

Jareth went completely still, and Midge and the others went immediately silent, sensing his furious mood. 

“Send them all to my quarters. Here. Seems I need to discover who this man is and how to thwart him.” Tossing down a crystal, the King disappeared and in its place was piles of goblin coin. Hurriedly, they moved the cookies to the packs on Sir Didymus loaned them and blinked slowly, looking at one another. 

Finally, they grinned and began to cheer. 

“We’re rich! Ye-hey!”

“Whoopie!”

“Wahoo!”

“Wait, should we be worried for half naked guy?”

“....nah.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another thing I had written forever (people requested a follow up to this) and just lost track of it and never posted it. Chose to go with the actor, not the character, this story revolved around - because Jason IRL is a big goof ball and this sounded hilarious in my mind. Enjoy my five year old sense of humor.

Sarah stepped inside her apartment and dropped her keys in the small bowl by the front door, turning the lock and shrugging out of her coat. Today had been hell at work and she was ready for a good glass of Merlot and a date with her television. At least the men inside that small contraption weren’t as disappointing as the men she knew in her real life (except one that wouldn’t admit how he felt, but he wasn’t exactly human, so he didn’t count - not that she was, you know - _counting)._

“Stella?” She called, reaching for the bag of cat treats by her keys, frowning when her little tuxedo cat didn’t come running up, twining about her legs, yowling that she wanted a few goodies before dinner. “Where are you, you silly creature?”

Kicking off her heels, smoothing her hand over her pencil skirt, she stepped further into her apartment and wandered into the living room - then drew up short with a shriek.

There, standing in her living room, was _Jareth_ . He looked positively furious and when she heard a muffled male scream, she blinked and looked behind him, seeing a tied up…. _Jason Momoa?!_

“ _Holy shit_ , please tell me you did _not_ kidnap _Jason fucking Momoa?!”_ She suddenly barked, unable to come up with a proper greeting after seeing the actor tied to her couch with twine touched in glitter and magical powers.

“He didn’t even fight for you,” sneered the Goblin King, arrogantly stepping forward, as if he wanted to reach for her. She tensed, both worried and secretly pleased he was going to finally touch her after all these years, but he merely reached behind her, at the bookshelf where she stored snacks, books, and DVDs, grabbing a box with a suspicious picture on the front. _Oh god,_ she blanched, her eyes rotating between the mad Fae and the terror-stricken actor, _he didn’t. The goblins must have—_ Briefly, she remembered them visiting with Hoggle and Sir Didymus, who’d come Aboveground for movie night, thoroughly addicted to Netflix and HBO as she was. They’d finally started Game of Thrones and she giggled and showed them the box that a girl she’d met by the Supermarket had placed on the box, who happened to play one of the finer male specimens in the show. _I should never have showed them that._

“Yeah, well, he’s married, so—“

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Midge told me you— _liked him._ How could you care for someone so... _weak?_ He’s not anything like that documentary I saw. Hoggle showed me when I threatened him with the bog. What manner of man falls from grace so badly that he literally _screams_ when I best him and takes him as prisoner?” Jareth glared, his eyes slowly lowering over her form. “Does he have other charms I must know about?” If it was possible, he looked even more furious.

Sarah wasn’t sure whether to laugh or slap him. She thought they were an _item._ A tingle of awareness shot up her spine that Jareth was _jealous._ Filing that little tidbit away for later, she struggled with how to deescalate the situation.

Suddenly, Jason wriggled furiously, and she stepped around Jareth, watching him stiffen but not move towards her, and she gave the actor a sheepish smile, wincing as she pulled his gag out of his mouth.

“Oh my god, lady - your boyfriend is _insane_. Please let me go. What’s even going on? He’s scaring the crap out of me! Why does he look like a glittery David Bowie? Can you talk some sense into him? I swear I don’t know you and I just want to get out of here. You’re not even my type, I love my wife and—“

“Yep, got it, totally sorry, I - _uh -_ introduced some of his subjects to your show, so it’s all a misunderstanding.” _Never in my life did I ever expect to be apologizing to Jason Momoa for being kidnapped by a jealous Fae King._ The actor cast Jareth a fearful eye and snorted. Sarah glanced back at him and gestured to the bound man.

“Erase his memory and let him go and I’ll explain everything,” she started, watching him bristle, baring his teeth, but she sighed and gave him a pleading look. “There is no _us,_ Jareth. It’s a show. He’s an actor. He does...make believe...for a living. You know, like when a kid dresses up as a knight and pretends? When I did those plays? He does that for money as an adult.”

Jareth looked at Jason with disgust. “Your world pays grown men to act like children playing a game? No wonder I hate your species.”

Sarah rolled her eyes, even if he did have a point, forcing down a sudden attack of laughter. “Yep, sorry, that’s the facts. Let him go.”

“You don’t do this now, do you?” Jareth suddenly asked, a strange look crossing over his face. “You used to be terribly interested in these plays you speak of. What’s this television nonsense he was rambling about? Wait - didn’t your mother…?”

“You cured me of that pipe dream,” she growled, gesturing to Jason, who looked on the verge of a panic attack. “ _Focus, Jareth! Let him go!”_

 _“Fine,”_ snarled the Fae, flicking his wrist, sending the actor out of the room with a pop of glitter and a strong scent of metallic copper. _Magic._

Now, they were alone. Sarah swallowed, staring at Jareth with reservation, then watched as he prowled closer, a wicked glint in his eye. Remembering earlier, she straightened her spine and crossed her arms over her chest. “So, you were jealous.”

Jareth stiffened, pink scalding the hollows of his cheeks. _“I was NOT—“_

“So, then you just kidnapped him _because_ …?” Sarah asked wryly, watching him with a dubious expression as Jareth went deathly still, a scowl and a blush simultaneously creeping up his face as she waited for him to answer.

He didn’t, suddenly finding immense interest in the floor, her couch, the kitchen - every single thing in the room that wasn’t her. She wanted to laugh, but knew now wasn’t the time. .

As amusing as it was watching Jareth squirm, she decided to throw him a bone, reaching out and cupping his cheek. She noted he went completely still, his eyes squeezing shut, and the brief flicker of sadness and longing that swept over his features made her suddenly empathize with him. All of a sudden, this wasn’t so funny anymore - well, it _was_ , no one had ever kidnapped an actor to prove a point before, but she wanted him to know she felt the same damn way - had for _years._

“I don’t like him. Sort of hard to when I like you,” she murmured, feeling Jareth’s cheek turn to marble underneath her hand. Before he could open his eyes, she leaned forward before she lost her nerve, pressing a quick kiss to his mouth.

Just as she was pulling away, Jareth’s hands shot out, gripping her wrist with one and her waist with another. “I’ve dreamed of that kiss for so long that if you think a small peck will do, you’re mistaken,” he gritted out, making her heart pound, then roughly drew her closer, ravaging her mouth.

 _Oh my_ **_god_ ** _._ Sarah moaned, weakly sagging against him, then let Jareth sweep her up into his arms - and straight into the bedroom.


End file.
